From the beginning of any relationship, some offer advice without consent, or we’ll run into those that judge. Some may even model for us appropriate or inappropriate relationships to emulate. But what happens when we start to internalize their narratives?

In the time of social media, FOMO has become a part of our everyday vernacular. The fear of missing out has become about more than missing out on activities. It’s become about not doing the right things with the right people at the right time. When we scroll incessantly through our feeds repeating the same highlighted reels or snapshots into someone else’s life, what lens are we looking through here? Is it objectivity and analysis, or is it envy?

Why can’t I have that? What’s missing from my life is that I don’t spend time on beautiful vacations with a flawless face with my perfect children and husband always ready and willing to take a beautiful picture?

I know, I’ve been there. I often watch and compare myself to the Home & Garden-esque grandiose lifestyles that are the mommy influencers, annoying myself in the process. Then I start to look around; what are we doing wrong? Because I’ve told myself a story about the pictures that I saw and started comparing my life to it, without any explanation or justification, and my life always ends up looking like second place.

What about when we get together with girlfriends and start trading war stories like a bunch of veterans? Sometimes it’s useful but usually, it ends up being a competition around who’s got it worst. “(Oh no, only me?!)”

It’s not that we don’t love our husbands or children, when we vent, we usually do it collectively, unless you’re in mixed company. But what happens when the advice starts flowing?

What do you do when this happens? We start to question parts of our relationship we may have thought were solid before. Or we may find ourselves looking for problems or the possibility of issues based on the stories we’ve heard from others. That’s when we should examine what’s in front of us.

Whether social media, family, or friends, it’s all about consumption. What are we bringing into our relationship from the outside world? If every relationship is bombarded by things from the outside it will start to crack and erode if it wasn’t built to stand the test of time.

It’s not easy, and it certainly requires a lot of communication, but it is possible to protect a relationship. You should because it’s the one you chose to be in too.

When we were dating, my husband and I were good at talking to each other before we went to bed, processing our days, discussing what plans we were making, etc. However, after we got married, we lived in two different countries, we didn’t speak nearly as often, and when we did, it felt awkward and out of habit rather than need.

That’s when our foundation started crumbling. Other voices began picking at our relationship in ways I was unprepared for too. Those social posts showing beautiful couples on date night became painful and annoying. People I barely knew were judging my ‘international romance,’ asking if I was married if we weren’t in the same time zone? So I started to question, I began to ask myself, “Was it worth it?” Not knowing the answer.

After a lot of heartbreak and the pandemic, we’ve learned to speak to each other again. We moved to Canada so that our family could be together, and it hasn’t been an easy road but what it afforded us to do is to get away from the noise of family and friends. So we’ve started going to couples counseling, which is better as a preemptive tool than a reactionary one.

I’m glad that we’ve also started communicating; even last night was the first night in a while we recounted the beginnings of our relationship, and it was a lovely moment. Plus, if you can, always go to bed together. So there is no more slippery slope of opposite schedules; it is a quick way to pull apart.

The outside noise will always be there, but if you protect your relationship and make sure you’re solid, it’ll be a lot harder for that noise to distract you. We can begin to learn and accept what is actually in front of us and commit to doing better together.