October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. One in four miscarriages happens during the first trimester. Studies show that as many as half of all pregnancies may end in miscarriage. However, we are not taught this in health class or motherhood groups. Until it happens to you, you don’t know how common they are. I am one of those that found out the hard way. I had a miscarriage three days after Christmas last year. It wasn’t until I had one that I found out how common they were and how women do not talk about it enough.

My husband and I were married for six months when we found out I was pregnant. We were shocked but happy. One morning, I was not feeling well and I decided to take a test. I did not think it would be positive and left it alone for a few hours. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when the result was positive. We flew back to my hometown to see my parents during the holidays. During our travels, I started to spot. Then “it” happened. There was nothing I could do but wait for “it” to be done.

The emotions that you go through; sadness, anger, guilt take over you. You can feel these emotions all at once or randomly. Everyone processes grief differently. For months I thought it was my fault, that my body failed me. I realized that there is nothing I could have done. My husband asked me what would help me process – I asked him to tell our family and friends what happened because I was ashamed. It took me months to not feel ashamed. My mom and mother-in-law helped me through this time. One thing that helped me a lot was to finished just one thing a day – brushing my teeth, showering, or making the bed.

After my miscarriage, I learned that I had to be on medication to be able to have kids. I would not have known that unless I had my miscarriage. Now that it has almost been a year, I have become more comfortable talking about my miscarriage. I want to encourage women to talk about it. Women should not have to find out how common miscarriages are until they have one themselves. I commend Chrissy Teigan for being so open about her recent miscarriage with their son. Alas, ladies know you are not alone. To the baby I lost, one day I hope to meet you. Until that day, thank you for making me stronger.