I always had trouble describing my personality in college for many reasons. I didn’t think I was extroverted because, at times, I wanted to be alone and I was perfectly fine with that. I also didn’t want to coop myself up in a room all day. I enjoyed catching up with friends and having meaningful conversations, just not all the time. So, I wasn’t introverted; I was somewhere in the middle.
I felt that it was more difficult to describe myself than it should’ve been. There had to be some sort of word or phrase to label my personality. I decided to do some research, because I knew I couldn’t be the only person feeling lost in between having traits of an introvert and an extrovert. It was then that I found the perfect label for myself: social introvert.

It’s common for people to define introversion for what it’s not: extroversion. If an extrovert has a strong sociable personality and primarily looks to be in social environments, introverts are the complete opposite, right? Wrong. Jonathan Cheek, a psychology professor from Wellesley College, argues that introversion is much more complicated than we think. He believes there are four types of introversion: social, thinking, anxious and restrained. In most cases, introverts can identify with more than one. Personally, I can identify with multiple, but found that social introversion best describes my personality type.

A social introvert is someone who prefers to socialize with smaller groups rather than large ones. Sometimes that also means not socializing with a group at all. A social introvert enjoys solitude and is completely comfortable with being alone. They prefer to have small intimate gatherings with close friends rather than a huge party with a bunch of random people they don’t know. After spending hours with people, a social introvert is eager to have their “me” time.

Labeling my personality type with an oxymoron has been no walk in the park. I’ve had to deal with multiple struggles associated with being a social introvert. Here are some key struggles that some fellow social introverts may identify with:.

You’re around the same group of people all of the time and, suddenly, you need a break from everyone.

Conversing with people is both fascinating and mentally draining at the same time.

People don’t understand that sometimes you just need a day to yourself and, that you’re perfectly fine with not talking to a single person for hours, if not days.

When you have that moment at a party where you go from 100 to 0, real quick. One second, you’re chatting up a storm with someone you just met or dancing with your friends. The next second, you’re sitting on a chair exhausted and you just want to go home. Then, people start to think you’re mad or upset.

People automatically assume you’re shy just because you don’t speak your mind all the time, but, in reality, you’re just very observant.

That moment when you finally decide to hang out with that one friend, who you can’t have intimate conversations with, because he’s been asking to get a coffee with you to catch up for the longest time, but, you keep making up excuses. So, you feel obligated to accept–only to realize (once again) that the reason you don’t hang out with him is because the conversations are always on the surface and mentally draining. Just another reminder why you’ve always stuck to the same small group of close friends.

People think you’re more introverted because you hang out with the same small group  of friends all the time.