Since the beginning of man, we have had to learn how to work with one another. The second there were two human beings on the planet, communication became important. Flash forward to modern times; the second you are born, you are thrust into numerous relationships with no guidebooks. You have a relationship with your parents, siblings, family members, family friends and the list goes on. No one tells you that some of these relationships will be toxic for your emotional health. No one shows you how to deal with it. We are all expected to learn how to deal with these complicated issues-solo.

But why? We teach our kids how to tie their shoes, how to pack their own lunch, how to make their bed (which they will forget once they move out, because seriously, who likes making beds?), and that they have to wear clothes when they go outside. Yet, there are no talks about emotional support. There are no talks about dealing with toxic people. Especially if those toxic people happen to be related to you. No one likes to rock the boat when it comes to family matters.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to family. One is that you have to stick together even if one of you is serial killer. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the point. I get it; it is in human nature to stick together through bloodlines for the sake of survival. If you think about it, your family is here because, somewhere along the bloodlines they were on the winning side of a village being burned down, or a plague hitting their town, or had sex with someone they weren’t supposed to to continue your family existence. So yay for sex, war and power! What, you thought you were here because your family was always nice? Really?

Now, I am getting away from the point of this article. Why are relationships so damn hard? Well, I like to think it’s because we are in constant battle between the ego and the spirit.
The ego needs to take care of itself. It’s all about its needs, its wants, its desires, its dreams. Me…me…me. The ego knows that it has to take care of itself before it can take care of others.
The spirit values human interaction. The spirit knows without human interaction, it cannot grow mentally and emotionally. It will become bitter and hateful towards the human race.

But how are you supposed to know when to stop taking care of yourself and start giving to others? How much can you give yourself? What can you give?

Really it comes down to each relationship. I wish I could give you a guidebook, but alas, no one gave me one. You have to constantly evaluate every relationship. If it’s important to you, make the effort. If something inside you twists and turns, then it’s not that important to you. If the other person is toxic, let it go. You will only have one or two people that give you emotional support. Cherish those people.

We can all use more emotional support, but we can’t expect people to give it to us. People will give that gift once their ego is at peace. They are still working out the kinks in their lives. But, you will not know this because they won’t tell you.

So why are relationships so damn hard? Well, because we are humans…that’s why.

Hugs and Smiles,
Nicole