I recently read Summer Crossings by Truman Capote and Intimacy by Hanif Kureishi. Both books display a protagonist with inner turmoil.

Summer Crossings is the story of a young girl, Grady, who is only a few months away from her 18th birthday. She grew up wanting for nothing and only knew the beautiful side of her 1950s New York home. Her parents were staples in high society. She had everything:  beauty, money, connections and most of all, safety. But, alas, she was miserable. She had too much wit and humor for her mother’s and older sister’s liking; and then, to top it off, she falls in love with a Jewish, working-class guy.  Long story short, they get married; and, she realizes towards the end of the book that she is pregnant.

Throughout the whole novel, Grady and her boyfriend Bill display many inner demons. Many are thoughts and insecurities that only occur during one’s youth.  For example, feeling angry about being misunderstood, or feeling lost and fearful of having no control over one’s life.

Summer Crossing ends with Grady driving after getting stoned for the first time. As a reader, however, you do not know if she is trying to kill herself, her new husband and their friends; or, if this is an act of freedom as she is finally happy.

Intimacy takes place in the early 2000s, in London. The main character, Jay, contemplates leaving his wife and kids. Throughout the whole book, Jay thinks about his own life and how he ended up with someone who he didn’t find exciting. However, he never flat out says that he doesn’t love his wife; in fact, he mentions that if he did not love his wife, it would make leaving easier. The book goes back and forth between present day and his past conversations with his friends and family. Basically, Jay is just bored and miserable; he eases the pain of his boredom with drug use (cocaine everyday for six months) and mistresses.

Intimacy ends with Jay leaving his wife and two young boys. He shows up at his friend’s house with just a bag. The novel then ends with a paragraph about love, leaving readers confused.  Has Jay gone back to his wife or did he start anew with his latest girlfriend?

While reading these books, all I could think was, damn, is this how the authors see the human race? Are we just a bunch of people running around sad, not saying what we really feel? Does love have to come with a healthy heap of self-loathing? And then, even when we have a comfortable home, do we have to fuck it up with our own insecurities?

Keep in mind, one book (Summer Crossing) was written about 60 years ago and, the other (Intimacy), 14 years ago. So it begs the question: no matter the time, is mankind meant to be lost? I like to think that, throughout life, we are always a little lost; but, a good kind of lost, like when we take a wrong turn and find a cute fruit stand. The whole self-loathing type of lost is a bit selfish if you ask me. If you are not brave enough to be honest with your loved one(s) or with yourself, and ask for things that make you happy, then you have no reason to be upset or blame the world. Take some responsibility for your own miserable life. Remember, no one makes you miserable, you make yourself miserable.

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If you are like me and research books on Goodreads, I gave both these books 3 stars. Good, but not great. But if you are looking for a short read, pick them up. Both are a little over 100 pages.